| | Well it was a crazy semester... every time I think I've crammed in the most credits to the shock of my peers and lecturers I manage to outdo myself the next semester. I've never thought of myself as an overachiever, but this semester proved to me that I'm experiencing some weird personality shift that has probably activated in an attempt to make up for not doing as well as I could in high school... :P
These last two weeks were really the climax to it all... I accompanied a senior vocalist for her recital and now I've become quite a commodity in the music department. We had the Concert Choir and Broadway Cabaret deliver a spectacular concert according to the audience and that was a lot of blood and sweat put in throughout this whole semester. I did my vocal juries and managed my high A at the end of the dramatic Italian art song "L'Addio". I got full marks for my vocal pedagogy project where we had to select a "victim" to work on vocally and record our progress. Then there were take-home exams, in-class exams, dictation and sight-singing exams, more accompanying, and I'm still two exams short of being free - I have to take my Bio final later and then my Psych final tomorrow morning.
At 5pm tomorrow, I depart for New York to visit my mom and grandma, which is the only reason why I'm going there in winter... it's gonna be teeth-chatteringly frigid I expect. A big mug of hot chocolate and mini-marshmallows should do the trick though...
It's amazingly how many leadership positions I have... I'm the leader of the tenor sectionals, responsible for training the tenors of the Concert Choir, the leader of the Hale Aloha luau... and now I'm the Vice President of the Singapore-Malaysian club for the upcoming semester. I think I'm more the kind of guy who can be contented with the simple things in life like kicking back, lying on the grass/beach and watching the clouds go by, or in doing things where I don't have the power to affect or be responsible for an entire organization... I tell the workers that I miss doing the stuff regular workers do because although the leads do physically less (supposedly...), we have this responsibility we have to shoulder if anything goes wrong since we call the shots.
Just yesterday, I had a lousy evening after everyone went back because the workers didn't take their plates to the kitchen, the runners didn't take away a full slop bin, I was physically exhausted and had to study for finals and I still had a meeting to attend after where I'd officially take on the the post of Vice President... the closing lead was a girl, so even though I'd like to tell women "hey, you want an equal world, go open your own doors and pull out your own seats", I felt sorry for her and stayed to help her close... I felt tired of being Mr. Nice and cleaning up people's messes, and shouldering all these responsibilities and as I walked back, I was really on the verge of tears...
I think that's why I like performing... you're responsible for yourself - for attending rehearsals, for learning your parts, for doing what the director wants you to do, for entertaining the audience and having a bloody good time while you're at it. I liked it when I was a normal F&B worker too... didn't have to attend meetings and be concerned about the overall improvement of our workplace... I just needed to be the best that I could in my given task. Trouble with me is that people like me cause I get along with quite possibly everybody, and despite me really being disorganized, last-minute, impunctual and spontaneous, people elect the Tyler they all like even though somebody else could do a way better job at getting the organization to improve than me. They like me so much, one girl told me "how am I gonna survive without you for two weeks?" hahaha... not romantically, but just that we talk and joke a lot... and I guess I get people to laugh a lot for sometimes just being random, (sometimes) air-headed me.
Such is my dilemma. Always being shoved (politely and with a lot of smiling) into positions of power that I either don't want or am clueless about. My motivations for filling in those positions are either because I feel that somebody needs to do it, and if no one else wants it, I'll take it because someone needs to take it even though I really don't want to.
Sometimes I wonder how it's like to be the bad guy... I just end up thinking how I'd look in leather and spikes... even in RPGs, I can't choose something that's "evil"... I'm not saying I'm this cherub of righteousness (I do like the flowing silk and partially bared-chest look though). I guess I'm generally disposed to think that everyone is inherently good and likeable, I want to make people happy and laugh, I want people to be loved. Given the chance, I'd lose a game so someone else could win - that's how I was in childhood, or I didn't like games with competition because I was afraid of the aggressiveness it brought out in people and the fact that there were people who had to be "out" of the game if they lost.
Ah well... I actually rambled more than I intended to... I'm supposed to be studying for biology. It's cathartic at least. Hmm.... I'll try and upload photos of NY when I get back... or maybe while I'm there. Talk to you guys later!
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| | Posted 12/14/2006 4:49 PM - 44 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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